Marcus Aurelius was not an easy person to be around, judging from his own words in Meditations. He was quick to anger, uncooperative toward others at times, and a deeply feeling person - which can sometimes be a remarkable benefit but often in leaders is seen as a gigantic flaw. According to his own thoughts, his “makeup” was not a makeup of a true leader, at least a true leader of Romans at that time. Previously, Roman Emperors ruled with an iron fist, condemning those who spoke out against them or were in any way detrimental to the Roman state itself. One reason why Marcus wrote these free-flowing meditations was because he was often seen as weak and ineffective, thus potentially giving his enemies, both in Rome and throughout the world, something more to latch onto. However, Marcus was returning time and time again to decency, truthfulness, clearness of mind, and interdependence regarding his relationships with others.
That is why in Book 10, chapter 8, he speaks of the “epithets of the self” that he desires to have. He reminds himself that, throughout his time as the Emperor of Rome, he should always strive to be a good person, a decent person, and a truthful person. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? As our present-day political flashes attest, the leader of a country might not hold these values as strongly as Marcus did. He also reminds himself that one could stray from these principles in a heartbeat, but they should always return to them quickly. For, in this passage, Marcus writes:
“But if you feel yourself falling away and losing control, retire in good heart to some corner where you will regain control - or else make a complete exit from life, not in anger, but simply, freely, with integrity, making this leaving of it at least one achievement in your life.”
We all “lose control” at times; I am guilty of forfeiting my reasoned choices constantly. We all fall away from the path of virtue. We can, however, regain control over our reasoned choices quickly and repeatedly. We can remove the “madness of anger” and frustration and recapture our control of our own emotions. I have found as I have gotten older that my “reaction time” of falling but regaining control has gotten shorter and shorter, which it should. For, as Marcus states:
“To continue to be the same man as you have been up to now, to be torn apart and defiled in this life you live, is just senseless self-preservation like that of half-eaten gladiators who, mauled all over and covered in blood by the wild beasts, still plead to be kept alive for the next day, when in their same state they will meet again those same claws and teeth.”
Marcus states, in rather graphic terms, what he witnessed regarding the gladiatorial games. Upon reflection, he clearly sees a parallel between the gladiatorial games and his own life. He is asking himself, quite simply, “am I the same person I was previously?” and “do I have the same outlook as I did long ago?”
We should always be reminded that it is of our nature to grow, to reflect, to take the time to laugh and smile, and to reach out to others with kindness and decency. Marcus states at the end of this chapter that a great help to “keeping these claims to virtue fresh in your mind” is to be mindful of the gods, as the gods themselves do not want mere flattery but the development of each individual person into their own image, a person with a rational nature, capable of virtue and wisdom. What Marcus is stating in this entire chapter we should all struggle for and possibly achieve: the ability to move from the negative traits of our nature to the positive traits of our nature. Because it is in this movement that we can grasp our true selves and improve upon them.
Isn’t that what we all want?