Restored and Re-storied

Healing from soul loss

In reading more about personal loss and trauma, I ran across In the Absence of the Ordinary, a book by Francis Weller dealing with the “underworld” that we, as a human species, all enter. If you haven’t entered the “underworld,” a terrain that is uncertain and groundless, you will - trust me. This book of essays also deals with our collective anxieties and restlessness and calls us to strip off the skin of modernity and return to the original roots of our collective lives. I have thoroughly enjoyed the book so far, and will gather a lot of ideas from reading this book.

In his first essay titled Rough Initiations, Weller describes for the reader the differences between traditional initiations and initiations brought about through trauma. Traditional initiation is what he calls a “contained encounter with death,” a series of trials that “dislodge” the sense of self of the individual and reshape it. But trauma, or what he terms an “uncontained encounter with death,” brings with it a sudden loss of security, a breaking of the conditions needed to process the trauma itself. For the individual who has experienced trauma, dealing with these wounds often takes years as we attempt to reorient and re-regulate our inner worlds.

The German word for trauma is seelenershuettering, which is translated to “soul-shaking.” The Hopi people call trauma tsawana, which is translated to “a state of mind that is in terror.” In Christian mysticism, trauma is characterized by intense suffering and a sense of identity dissolution. In all of these ancient traditions, trauma is seen as being inherent, in one way or another, in being human.

From the loss of a loved one, to broken hearts, to the violence that is forced upon us, we all experience many moments of trauma. Trauma is any encounter, either acute or prolonged, that overwhelms the capacity of the person to process the experience. Whether the trauma is acute, developmental, slow, or chronic, each one of us holds trauma in their own way. In traumatic events, we leave the world that was known and occupied, there is a strong revision in the way we see ourselves, and there is the ultimate realization that nothing will ever be the same.

I know that in my own life, the acute trauma I experienced made me distance myself from my pain and grief. I believed that no one could see that a healthy, athletic person who suffered a traumatic event needed help. I pushed through my pain and grief until I couldn’t push any longer. I believe I am still working through the process of rejoining my loved ones, my community, and my world.

The chronic trauma still remains and will continue to remain regarding the physical pain I sustain every single day. But in the dark corners of my being, I have come to realize that what I thought would leave me shattered and alone for years on end made me see that I wasn’t the only person in these dire straits. I realized that what mattered for me might matter for someone else. Yes, it made me question the reality of my everyday nature. It made me question my own self, and it still does. Made me question if my life would ever be the same.

Those questions were all settled in the work I have done in developing my own trauma response. And after 20+ years, I believe I have matured enough on these questions to share my story. But not all of us have the guidance or even the framework necessary to delve deeper into these events.

Trauma leaves us scared. It leaves us depleted of joy. In this wasteland, we are hesitant to speak out and call for help. In this self-imposed deadened state, we shrink. To take up no room. With a lot of individuals that suffered traumatic experiences, they feel like they don’t have the guidance necessary to emerge from the event with an appreciation of what it taught them. Luckily, I was able to emerge with the help of my family.

Traditional cultures call trauma “soul loss.” Soul loss is experienced as a loss of our being. In this soul loss that is enacted after trauma, we lose our ability to grab ahold of our identity. Our identity is in shambles. So, we retreat and withdraw from the world. We believe that we carry the trauma alone, in silence.

But we have more.

We have the ability to engage.

We have the wherewithal to stand up.

And we have the capacity to not be silent.

It takes courage for the trauma survivor to reach out and ask for the assistance. It takes patience to know that if the traumatized individual needs the help, the community will find a way to offer it. It requires the time and the place to heal.

Soul loss requires the conditions that will lead us back into wholeness. It requires us to look squarely at the trauma, yes, but also to reestablish ourselves. To rejoin the world after the rupture occurs.

For the individual, it takes the ability to examine ourselves and realize that we have gifts to offer. We have tools that no one thought we did. We have a sense of wholeness that, while most people look askance at the contributions we add, might ultimately be of benefit.

We have the opportunity to be restored and re-storied.

Will we take it?